second to last

 

Holy shit I'm almost 30. In a lot of ways it doesn't feel real. People tell me your twenties are shit and usually spent finding yourself, and then your 30s are about once you find yourself actually living as yourself and its a lot more chill because you actually kind of know what your doing, though you will never have that innocence of youth anymore I guess, plus people you know start dying or getting married. A beginners mind is a wonderful gift to have when you are trying to learn something new. 

My twenties I feel started a little late due to my more abnormal background, on a maturity level because of this I feel more in line with people in their mid 20s or who have just graduated college, but objectively I am older than most people I'm around. I guess this makes me a bit different than most people going into their 30's, plus I look super young for my age so there's also that. 

I think overall my mid 20s have been a lot of struggling. I went through some pretty wonderful and then traumatic life events in my early 20s and then went through college at Berkeley which was its own insane struggle. I briefly landed on my feet and then the pandemic hit, and then I went through a horrible breakup and fell into an abyss, briefly landing on my feet and then falling over again back into it. 

I'm still trying to find footing to climb out of the abyss I've fallen into. It's terrifying. I don't know what my next steps are in life, maybe go for a PhD? Maybe a masters? Delve deeper into my art and music and try to seriously pursue that? Find a surprise job I love?  Maybe a mix of these? I don't know. I feel like either I'm gonna truly hit the bottom and splat all over the pavement or finally find some footing soon, I'm not sure. Given the circumstances its horrifying to contemplate but oh well, what choice do I really have right now? 

Finding new friends, meeting new people, learning new skills I know nothing about, I think in any case I have to keep pushing myself before I hit the pavement, because at this point I can see it in the distance coming up fast. This next month is going to either be the month I find my footing or hit it fast, and I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to pick up the pieces if I break into a million tiny fragments.

Oh well, good luck to me I guess. I suspect this final year of my 20s will have much in store for me. New surprises, new characters, old favorites, interesting side plots and tons of plot twists.

I'll see you tomorrow for my last blog post of this month. So far I've kept true to my promise and wrote every day the month of November for this blog, there is kind of one day missing but that's just because I was traveling and didn't account for the time difference, so not my fault? In any case I'll write at least one final blog post the beginning of December to account for this. I'm glad I was able to commit and pull through to my goal of writing this blog every day this month.

I don't know what the future has in store for me, but for the loyal followers of this strange experiment of a blog I've created, thank you for sticking through the madness and I'll see you on the other side o7